We all have an idea of where we fit within society. The sort of person we want to have as our partner reflects either how we see our selves now, or how we want to see ourselves. A good example of how this is played out is people who go for the same type over and over again. We make judgements on our equalness with another person based on their looks, their occupation, their intelligence and in some cases, their ambition.

This is not all about looks- though studies have shown that people generally end up with people who are around the same level of attractiveness. Two types of relationships are exempt from this- one where a beautiful woman barters her beauty for a man’s welath or power (or vice versa) – which is an equivalent partnership and not necessarily a bad thing, or when a “plain” man uses the fact a beautiful woman is often quite insecure to feed her ego and attach himself to her this way. If we really want to look at what sort of people are “in our league” as a potential partner, it’s important to look at other factors such as whether you are at the same stage in your life, and have shared values.

The main thing that holds back people from successfully dating someone they feel is more beautiful or more able then them is confidence. Most of us respond positively to confidence more than anything else, including beauty or success. And it’s not just a matter of faking the confidence- you’ve got to really believe you actually are worth being loved by the person you choose. This can cover over almost anything else. Confidence is the sexiest thing anyone can wear.

If you think in terms of someone being in or out of your league, then you are short changing yourself. This is not about settling, or losing out. It’s about seeing everyone as someone infinitely valuable. While you might not fit as a couple because of a lack of mutual interests, or possibly a lack of shared values, or intelligence, opening your eyes to the possibility that not everyone comes in perfect packages can help you find someone quite perfect for you- which of course is what everyone wants.